Give Me My Beer Fridge Or Give Me Death!

David Knights posted this blog entry the other day and linked to this Fox News story about Canadians and their beer fridges. Sadly, as is usual with Fox News, this is a hyperbolic and poorly research news piece. If Fox had taken the time to do a little research, they would have found out that the right to a beer fridge has long been a protected Canadian constitutional right. In fact it may be the most sacred of the Canadian Bill of Rights.

The Second Amendment to the Canadian constitution states as follows:

"Beer fridges, being necessary to the well-being of the Federation, the right of the people to keep and cool beer in a second fridge, shall not be infringed."

Canadian Patriot, Prime Minister, and noted alcoholic Sir John A. McDonald was quoted soon after the ratification of the Canadian Constitution as stating: "We didn’t start this country so that the government could take away our beer fridges. We need to keep our beer cold and have adequate provisions to keep our family fed. The only logical option is one fridge for the food and one for the beer."

Sadly, the wording of the Second Amendment has been called into question over the years. Noted Canadian Constitutional scholar Gordy Tremblay of the University of Assiniboia has written that the Second Amendment actually means that only the Canadian government can maintain beer fridges and that it is not a personal right. This position has always been disputed by most Canadians, including Canada’s two other Constitutional scholars, former Prime Minister John Diefenbaker, Celine Dion, and actor Rick Moranis. Mr. Moranis, head of the NBFA (National Beer Fridge Association), was once quoted as stating "Give me my Beer Fridge or give me death, eh!"

Some municipalities have gone so far as requiring permits for the beer fridges and a few even attempted to legislate the necessary brands of beer that the fridges must contain. Often, these regulation were met with protests and demonstrations, the most famous being the Chicoutimi Beer Fridge Riot of 1972. Thankfully, most Canadians have protected their rights by using and stocking their beer fridges as they saw fit.

Luckily in 2006, the Canadian Supreme Court ruled and put this matter to rest. In the case of the City of Yorkville v. Moosehead, Labatt, and Molson 7 Can 148 (2006). The Court found that the second amendment shall be read as a right of the people and not a right of the government. Therefore, the City of Yorkville had violated this right when it attempted to ban all beer fridges. Once and for all this important Canadian right has been legally protected and Canadians are safe from the intrusive hand of the government trying to filch an ice cold stubby from their beer fridge.